Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe - Part 2
Peggy, was a casual friend in High School. We hung around in the same group and I felt she was more like me than any of the other girls in our “gang” but we never got particularly close. I was very shy and I always felt that she was much more confident in herself. But once we both went away to college something happened that changed the relationship. We both really enjoyed writing and we started to write each other these long compelling letters. They went on for pages. Because of these letters I felt that we got to know each other in a most intimate way. I loved when I found one of her letters in my mailbox. I would immediately find a comfortable spot and sit and slowly work through it, sometimes two or three times before I would put it away. She had a remarkable way with words and her thoughts and feelings that came across spoke to my very soul.
When we were both home from college on weekends or holidays, we would get together and talk for hours. She asked me to stand up for her at her wedding. It was a beautiful thing, this friendship. I moved to California and she moved to Minneapolis and the letters continued for awhile. But then, they came less often, we saw less of each other because neither of us went home much anymore and pretty soon the letters ended altogether. I was deeply hurt. I kept writing but got no response. It was as if she disappeared off the face of the earth. I have called her a couple of times over the years and she has sounded happy to hear from me but then nothing. When I went to our 40th High School Reunion she, her husband and I sat until the wee hours of the morning talking. I felt like we had truly reconnected again. I was hopeful that the friendship would pick up where it left off. But I haven’t heard from her since.
At the time I took it very personally. I wondered what I had done wrong, how I had offended her. But now, I realize it had little to do with me and much more to do with us outgrowing the friendship we had. Although we still see each other on social media we have never over the years rekindled that letter writing intimate friendship that we once shared.
A similar scenario has happened a few times to me over the years; someone I felt very close to has quit communicating and each time it still takes me by surprise but now I am wise enough to realize that it isn’t personal. Most friendships have an expiration date. As I moved through different stages of my life a friendship would develop with someone who was moving through the same stage. Then one of us moves on, to a different stage, to a different lifestyle, to a different location, different interests and the friendship fades away. No big fanfare, nothing is said, it just ends. But this is life. And people move in and out of our lives but remain in our hearts changing us in ways we may not even notice.