Happily Ever After

Marin Independent Journal March 16, 2026

The big question is who does the dishes?  If he has a heavy work schedule I do them, if I am tired he does them.  Sometimes we do them together and chat while we do them.  He does the yard work and I buy the groceries.  I cook and he does the laundry.  Sometimes I do a load just to show him I am still capable.   

Every morning we greet each other with a kiss and every night we say good night with a kiss.  I don’t complain about his snoring because I know there is nothing he can do about it.  He doesn’t complain about my flatulence which has increased exponentially the past two years because he knows there is nothing I can do about it.  We take care of ourselves, I pluck my chin hairs and he trims his ear hairs.  We try to look nice for each other. 

When the boys were little we agreed on how to raise them and if we didn’t we discussed it in private, not in front of the boys so we could provide a united front.  We compromise on what TV show to watch, what movie to see, what restaurants to frequent, where to go on vacation.   If we disagree on an issue we hear each other out and then agree to disagree. Middle course, middle ground, happy medium, compromise.  We choose our battles wisely.

We tried to give each other a break from the noise and chaos of our young family.  When he needed to get away for an evening, he took it.  When I needed to get away for an evening, I took it.  We didn’t keep score.   Neither of us played the martyr. 

We never question each others’ expenditures.  We both know what our financial goals are and trust each other to remember those goals when spending money.  We know not to discuss finances if either one of us is already stressed or tired.

We don’t get angry when the other makes a bad mistake.  We just try to help them fix it.  Then we conveniently forget that they ever made the mistake in the first place.  

We don’t tell each other how to dress or how to act or try to make each other into someone they are not.  I have quit sighing when he puts ketchup on everything and he works around the piles I leave all over the house. 

We try to be fun to live with.  I tease him about how many trips he makes to Home Depot for one home improvement project and he teases me about spreading my work across the ten foot kitchen table even though I have a den with a nice desk.  When we are making the bed together we can’t resist throwing a few pillows at each other.  

We pay attention to each other when we are complaining about work even when it is the same thing we have heard for the past two weeks.  We read each others’ moods and know that timing is everything.  When we do go through a difficult time in our marriage we don’t take it personally.  We have a strong commitment to the marriage so that on those days that we don’t particularly like the other person we stick around until we like them again because we always do.  

Neither of us has the fantasy that we are easy to live with and we both appreciate what the other has to put up with to live with us.  We both know that the other person is the best thing that ever happened to us and we will never forget that. 

And that’s how you stay happily married.