Sick Days and Grasshoppers

My head is pounding, my throat scratchy and every time I eat anything but ginger ale and saltines my stomach roils and I am rushing to the bathroom.  I woke up sick today - probably got it from one of my grandchildren who are little petri dishes.  

I have always hated being sick.  It is such a waste of time. Especially when you aren’t horribly ill  but just sick enough that lying on the couch all day sipping ginger ale and eating saltines is the best you can do.   When I was little my Mom was great at taking care of me when I was sick.  I would be put on the couch with soft pillows under my head.  She would leave books on the floor beside the couch and bring me 7Up and saltines.  I could watch TV all day if I wished although once I had that it got old fast.  I would have Mom all to myself.  And then in the afternoon around 2 pm she would come sit next to me with a warm washcloth and hand towel.  She would gently wash and dry my hands and face.  By that time in the afternoon I was feeling grungy and dirty and sweaty so a good wash was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.  I’m sure her mother did it for her and I did it for my kids.  It was always the best part of a sick day.  

I love being taken care of when I’m sick.  My husband, Jon, does not.  He wants to be left alone.  This I do not understand and as a nurse it’s very difficult for me not to offer some TLC.  But I have learned over the years to not bother him unless he asks for something.  So I keep a close eye and I have everything that he may ask for available - ginger ale, saltines, ice cream, jello, and warm washcloths.  He rarely needs my ministrations but I am ready if he should.  

I hate to admit it but I used to love when my boys were very small and got sick.  They would be so loving and curl into me as I rocked them.  I could stay up all night with a sick baby or child and not feel it the next day because I loved being needed in that way.

When I was the mother of four young sons sick days for Mom were not allowed.  I just had to figure out how to get through the day.  Luckily I did'n’t get sick very often and I must confess when I did get too sick to do much of anything the TV would go on and the boys would be little TV zombies for a good part of the day.  It was called survival. 

I have a different outlook on sick days now that I am older, work only a few hours a week and don’t have small children to care for.  It seems a sick day gives me permission to not do anything.  A sick day allows me to take a guilt free day off from expecting anything from myself.  Forced to sleep, rest, lay about, I have no other choice but to lean into it and if I’m not too sick, enjoy the aimless day.   It’s unfortunate that I have to be physically ill to give myself permission for that aimless day.

The Summer Day  by Mary Oliver

Who made the world? 

Who made the swan, and the black bear? 

Who made the grasshopper? 

This grasshopper, I mean — 

the one who has flung herself out of the grass, 

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down — 

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. 

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. 

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. 

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is. 

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down 

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, 

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, 

which is what I have been doing all day. 

Tell me, what else should I have done? 

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? 

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? 

My favorite line of this poem isn’t the most popular one, the last line which you may recognize from a sign in a classroom or on someone’s fridge.  It’s the one two lines above it, “Tell me, what else should I have done?”  Can getting to know a grasshopper and being idle and blessed any less significant or meaningful than a day answering emails, running errands, cleaning our homes?  Do I really need to be sick in order to give myself permission to have a lazy day?  Maybe we all need to take a day to stroll through the fields and get to know a grasshopper.  Maybe if we took the time to see the beauty and joy in the world all that is ugly and sad would be a little more tolerable. 

Me personally?  I think getting to know a grasshopper is a very productive day.